Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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