thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
