I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
