i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
