oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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