I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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