Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize