i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
