anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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