Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
