I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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