It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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