He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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