he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
