It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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