At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
