A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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