She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
