Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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