I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
