you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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