The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
