Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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