and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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