You just made me feel so damn special
I am puke
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
