yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
