You work out of a Hotel?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
