Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
