did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
