i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
