This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
