You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize