Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
