david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
