An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize