i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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