why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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