all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
