woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
