when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize