your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
