How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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