I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
