Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
