After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did i walk over a car last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
