everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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