Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
