my shit smells like andre
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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