Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
