problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
