her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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