So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize