You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
