Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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