Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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