My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
