yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
