my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
