i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
