when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
