can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't notice because vodka
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
