What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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