There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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