I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize