Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
