remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
false alarm. still invincible.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize