I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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