I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize