It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
