I think I won the penis lottery.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The air taste purple.
Randomize
