I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
someone owes me an orgasm
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
