On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
is it fun? or sober?
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