eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
