I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
