Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
