I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize