so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
