If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
