My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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