I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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