I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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