I'm going to jail i love you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
