Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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