we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
