Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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