she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
