covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
