I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize