covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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