My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Randomize
