Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
