Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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