the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
