i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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