What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize