how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
