Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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