i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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