I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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